Judith on Why She Wasn't "Good" At Being a Child
January 11, 2003
As posted on the Simon & Schuster Bulletin Board

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Would you or have you considered writing children's books? If so, would you write books along the lines of "Clifford the Big Red Dog" or more "mature" books like Judy Blume's, "Are you there God? It's me, Margaret."

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I would love feeling as if I'd written books children could enjoy! What a thrill to help turn children and young adults on to the joy of reading.

There's just one problem: I was not very good at being a child. I was the oldest child (by 6 years,) which means--at least in my generation--we were expected to be "responsible." I went to Catholic schools, which further fostered that attitude. Furthermore, I realized at about 6 years old that other kids could get away with stuff, but I got caught each and every time! And I really, really hated getting in trouble with my parents. I wasn't even crazy about getting dirty.

In short, I was docile, boring, and unadventurous.

I wore glasses from the time I was 7 years old, and I was repeatedly complimented for being "very grown up." (Translation: docile, boring, and unadventurous).

Did I mention that I was 5'7" tall at the age of 11? At a time when "average height" for grown women was 5'4"? Fortunately, I stopped growing at 11, but it was very scary there for awhile.

To my credit, I can only say that I was a very big thinker as a child and quite a reader at a relatively young age (my parents were also readers)

In view of all that, emphathetic children's books by me would be out of the question. But what about young adult/teen books?

Well, one might justifyably expect that after my unpromising years as a child, I improved as a teenager. But I didn't.

Added to my (then) fairly extraordinary height, and my constant need for glasses, I'd turned myself into an A student. Combined, all that was the kiss of social death with boys. (I did have girlfriends, though. And there were boys who were my friends, too, but nothing more.) Ah--Here is something you may enjoy knowing: Harrison Ford was two years ahead me in my high school. Actually, Hillary Clinton was two years behind me. (My parents had finally taken me out of Catholic schools because I announced to them in 8th grade that I wished to go into the convent and become a nun.)

Anyway, my teen years were boring, as was I. But I had a very active imagination which enabled me to fill in all my shortcomings and live in some future time when I would wake up and resemble one of my parents. Oh--I left that out...my parents were really attractive and so were my younger sister and brother. My cousins and aunts and uncles on both sides of the family were attractive people. I hated family reunions because my father's family would look at me and claim that I must look like my mother's family. My mother's family would look at me and pronounce that I must, obviously, take after my father's family.

At the age of 17, I suddenly (and I mean suddenly) acquired the body shape of a human female, took off my glasses, put on makeup and "did something" with my hair. That summer at the family reunions, no one recognized me! It was my fondest daydream coming true. My father's family decided I looked like them, and my mother's family decided I looked like them. However, I decided I didn't like any of them.

Would all that qualify me to write really good young adult books for teenage girls? Only if I wanted to also become the biggest hypocrite. Because my way of dealing with the newly emerged "me" and my sudden popularity with boys...was to either shun them for having had no foresight when I was homely--or else to get engaged to them, and then panic and want out.

It doesn't take a psycholgy degree to figure out what was going on with me. I was clearly "making up for lost time" without ever realizing it. In any case, between the ages of 18 and 22, I cannot tell you how many times I got engaged. I can't tell you because I've finally managed to forget how many times. And I don't want to remember.

If there is any fragment of me in any of my heroines, it would be closest to Meredith Bancroft as a young girl--in the brown velvet dress. And pearls. With a crush on Parker. Only I'd have gotten engaged to him years later. Wait--Meredith did get engaged to Parker years later. ROFL I forgot that.

Anyway, as much as I would truly, truly, love to write children's books, I lack the qualifications and life experiences to do it properly.

Regarding Diana Gabaldon and my mention of her in the acknowledgements of KINGDOM...

Diana and I were on Compuserve's Litforum--are you ready for the year--in 1987 and '88 and '89! Diana wasn't published yet, but she was researching her first book very heavily, and I asked her two or three things on Litforum. I don't remember what they were. I think one of them had to do with where a flower grew.

When she finished her first book, I mentioned her to my agent and after he read her first manuscript, he agreed to represent her. He was a wonderful agent and Diana is a gifted writer.

[This message has been edited by Judith McNaught (edited 01-11-2003).]

~~ Judith McNaught on Simon & Schuster's SimonSays Discussion Board